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Y’all Laughing at Us? Bless Your Heart…

Feb 12 2014

by Mary Anne Payne

All y’all just laughing at us magnolia’s here in the South about our itty bitty amount of snow that paralyzed our fair cities of Birmingham and Atlanta.

Bless your heart.

And kiss our little ol’ freezin’ asses.

Cause we here in the South just don’t take kindly to cold weather. Like Rhett Butler said, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Unlike the hearty up above the Mason Dixon, we don’t worry too much about our streets blockin up, or our children missin school. We just deal with it.

We sit by the fire, drink some iced tea and bourbon, and call it a party. We know that in a coupla days it will be right nice about 50 degrees and we’ll be back out on the back porch tellin stories and grillin steaks.

Y’all up there with your fancy big newspapers and television reporters talkin about how we get the vapors over just a few inches of snow. Darlins, our snow hits that warm Georgia clay and turns into mean old ice when the temperature drops. Our ground is warm as a pig’s belly in the mud. That’s how we provide the rest of you out there with all those deeeelicious peaches, strawberries, blueberries and Vidalia onions. Now, what would you do without those???

We do have lots of you Yankees that found out about our weather and our low taxes ,that have picked up and moved your stuff on down here like nobody’s business. And the minute y’all hear that dreadful snow word, y’all just haveta get in your cars and act all uppity and think y’all can show us how to drive in it. It’s ice you ding dongs. No one, not even a The Dukes of Hazzard can deal with that.

And we’re gonna ride that silly Governor and Mayor out of town on the rails. Their staffs need a serious butt-whoopin and so do they. Our Southern Hospitality is no joke, we all just jumped right on the Facebook and offered our houses and help. Shoot, there was even a police man that delivered a baby right there on the side of the busiest highway in our area. Said he didn’t have to help much, momma did all the work and was great. That’s a true southern gentleman if I ever did hear of one.

Bless his heart.

So all y’all talkin about how we can’t deal with this, don’t get your britches in a wad, we’re relaxin by our fireplaces, catchin up on our stories on the tv, gossiping about the neighbors over our cocktails, and getting ready for that barbecue this weekend for that big ol football game.

Come on down, the weather is fine. Or it will be in a coupla days.

We promise.

This post originally appeared on Forever 51

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