Our Purpose Beyond Our Relationships

Aug 18 2016

by Miranda Rodriguez

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photo: Lilly Jo Photography of the Coolibar yoga break at the 2016 Southern C Summit

Daya’s new song ‘Sit Still, Look Pretty‘ has been my latest tune to jam out to. Fun and catchy, I think Daya also makes some good points in her newest hit (which if you haven’t listened to now would be a good time to do so).

As women, we are very relational. We love people, it’s what makes us tick and brings joy to our hearts. ‘Catching up,’ sharing about our lives, encouraging others…we thrive on all of that. Which is beautiful and so necessary! Humans need community and we females are at the heart of that. We can sense when someone is upset and needs a few kind words, or when we should invite someone into our home, or when a friend ‘just needs to talk,’ and we are happy to provide help in that way.

However, as CS Lewis (author of the Chronicles of Narnia) likes to say, a virtue run wild is worse than a vice. Sometimes we get carried away by our relationships. Any thoughts/worries/doubts about the person or relationship itself become ingrained in our mind (we’re also really good at ruminating) and prevent us being completely present when and where we are now.

Not only a current relationship, but also potential relationships. A cute guy you met recently, or even the concern you haven’t, can take hold of your thoughts and not let go. Because, of course, it’s not just that we want friendships/romantic relationships/relationships with our family, we also want them all to be perfect all the time. Any disagreement we have or distance we feel affects us deeply. We put so much importance on the relationships we have, that sometimes we lose sight of our purpose outside of them. Our identity is so attached to our roles as girlfriends/wives/mothers that we forget we are also individuals complete in and of ourselves.

Which is where Daya’s song comes in. She talks about not wanting to ‘sit still, look pretty,’ instead she wants to rule the world etc. While we may not all be quite that ambitious (I’m okay with not ruling the world, for now) we do have a purpose, a mission, entrusted to us that lives outside of our relationships.

Certainly our friends, our families, our loved ones are part of that, right? We provide care and encouragement the same way others have done for us. How we’re able to provide that care and encouragement is our greater purpose: being your best self.

I’m not sure what that looks like for you. I think for everyone there is a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional component. For each category there are different needs we have. Maybe physically it’s running three times a week, maybe emotionally it’s having coffee with a friend regularly, maybe mentally it’s growing your business or your blog…there are so many ways we can care for ourselves in all of these areas.

The point is to have a plan in which we acknowledge what our needs are in these areas and proactively work toward meeting them. This way our fulfillment doesn’t lie entirely in the hands of others; we’re not waiting for someone to rescue us or make us happy…we’ve got that covered. And once we can do that, we give to others from a place of health.

So maybe think of some ways you can take care of your needs, working on becoming your best self, the person that has the absolute most to offer the world. After all, if Daya doesn’t ‘sit still, look pretty,’ we shouldn’t have to either, right?


Miranda Rodriguez View More Blog Posts from this Author

Having graduated from Clemson with a degree in psychology in 2015, Miranda became editorial intern at the online publication Best Kept Self. While there she also worked part-time at the social media agency Project Sensei. In January of 2016 Miranda took a job as membership & administrative coordinator at the Center for Women, a non-profit in Downtown Charleston. Miranda loves coffee, writing, reading, laughing and recently took up kickboxing- so watch out.

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3 responses on “Our Purpose Beyond Our Relationships

  1. Anna Oates

    This post is so important. I often have my mind in the future and am one of those people who gets distressed that I’m not in love, I have no clue when I’ll get married, or start a family. I often spend time trying to fix that rather than try and fix the things that are simply reliant on me.

  2. Leslie

    Self-care is so important for women because of all our innate impulses to take care of others as you mentioned in these relationships that we are constantly cultivating. Like they say ‘first put the oxygen mask on yourself, THEN help others get theirs on’. Unfortunately women feel self-care is a luxury instead of a very necessary fundamental.

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