FROM HACK TO HOPE
Once upon a time, a couple years ago, I had a blog. I was longing to find a creative outlet, to share some of my gifts with others, and possibly use it to pursue some dreams. It was small, simple, readership totaling around a massive 7 or 8 people. So…… it wasn’t missed too badly when it was gone.
I didn’t plan on shutting it down, but apparently some random hacker in Japan did plan on that, because that’s what they did. Random! What the HACK was going on? I was discouraged, wondered if it was my sign to just give up, raise the white flag to blogging, creating, writing, all the ‘ing’s. But the day I discovered my blog no longer existed, I was writing a journal entry to clear my mind and then felt like I needed to check my blog to see how I was presenting myself. And alas, I found it was not there. It ended up being a good thing, because I wasn’t ready for a blog yet. But it definitely made me pause, and I realized, I’ve been hacked most of my life, by people, by circumstances. In some ways, I’ve let those things steal my identity, dictate my future, and I’ve let it cut me down to almost nothing. I’ve allowed those people and circumstances to have the last word. But all of that is changing, because I’m changing. I have grown so much since then. I’ve walked through some super intense struggles throughout my life, and I believe it’s shaped my character, and given me compassion, but I also think most of my life I’ve allowed those difficulties to hold me back. Every word said to us, every situation we walk through, speaks something to us. Unfortunately for me, the negative words tended to be a lot louder than the positive ones, like a megaphone “turned up to 11” kind of loud. I’ve allowed that to keep me tied down, or shackled down is actually a better phrase. I’ve felt like a prisoner. Whenever I would attempt something I would second guess myself, and a voice inside my head would tell me “You’re stupid Shayna. No one cares about that. No one cares about what you make, or create, or do. It’s pointless. Everything you do sucks. This will fail, you will fail, like you always have. You are mediocre. Nothing you do is going to make a difference. Just give up now. Face it, you’re worthless.” Yeah. Harsh. I know. But that voice is becoming much more faint, like an echo in the distance. I’m starting to hear other words in my heart, words that I believe are the truth, because I’m seeing now that those other words, were lies. It’s powerful how changing the way you view yourself, can change everything. I believe having a healthy, loving view of yourself is how we were created to be.
Since the time of the “hacker”, I have been a part of something amazing. I have helped birth a business with my husband and my brother-in-law called Sons of Sawdust. I brainstormed for days on the right combination of words for the name, and after much brainstorming and word combinations “Sons of Sawdust” felt just right, and that was it for my contribution…..or so I thought. I assumed that I would have lots of free time to get back to writing music, recording, creating and other dreams, since my children were now, both in school. Instead, I jumped on board full-time as the media/marketing director, and photographer for our business! I saw the need, and I felt I could help. It’s been quite a journey. There have been some extremely difficult things we’ve walked through in owning our own business, but it’s also been so full of good things, adventure, excitement and pure joy. Just as the boys stumbled into this business out of a hard situation(read more about the start of our business here), I have stumbled into a “career” that beautifully combines some of my gifts and passions. Photography, writing, telling stories, designing, styling, fostering community and building relationships are a part of my daily life through my “job” now. Crazy how that worked out, and it’s truly such a blessing. I believe this has been part of my healing and helped to rebuild my view of myself. I’ve found so much encouragement from family and friends, and my husband Matt and my brother-in-law Ben have been my biggest fans. I really relate very well to the old wood that we work with. In the same way we reclaim wood, I feel like I’m reclaiming my life in so many ways. I’m learning to live with a vision, that there is always hope for the future.
Okay, now that I’m done with my therapy session here… haha. But seriously, it is very therapeutic to write things out, and also knowing that others may read it. That might be why I’m starting my blog. I’m honestly going to let it take form, as it so chooses. There’s no real agenda, except to just be me, and share bits of my life, my passions, my muses, my discoveries, my inspirations, my story, my helpful hints, and my heart. And maybe some of my music, and possibly some of my dance moves. That’s a lot of “my’s” and that makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I am believing that somebody out there will be encouraged, inspired or find hope through what I’m sharing in my space. So, cheers to you for reading this far, and cheers to new beginnings. Welcome to my blog, again. I’m ready for it this time.
You can visit my newly launched blog here: http://shaynahobbs.com